April

Hi, it’s me, a sometimes blogger who realized that I might have picked the worst time to stop talking about taking care of yourself.

The truth is, I was taking a writing break because I needed one. I’ve realized that while I adore being open with my feelings, struggles, and the idea that what I’m going through can help others, I’ve let too many people know too much. These are the same people who’ve tossed “you wrote this in your blog” like it doesn’t cause a wound in my heart. Think of my blogs as an open diary – having your inner thoughts thrown in your face can hurt. Sometimes I’m better at writing then talking, and I had to take a step back to try and be a little more guarded about my thoughts and beliefs.

But regardless, things are weird right now, and though I’m handling it pretty well. I think I speak for everyone when I say even those who are handling everything well enough can still feel the dread and uncertainty that comes with a worldwide pandemic.

Also, moving into a new apartment in the middle of a global pandemic may not have been my smartest idea but Chandler and I have gotten to know each other real fast, and real well, real quick.

Even if you somehow were not worried about the illness itself, isolation can get to you, and so can the uncertainty when it comes to our economy and jobs. It’s great if you’re handling it well but it’s also 110% okay if you’re not. It’s okay if your spending most of your time stress eating and hiding under the covers. It’s hard times and you’re allowed to feel them. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

I feel like I’ve seen two viewpoints, the utter panic one and the “grind” while off the clock one, and honestly I don’t think either one of them are very healthy. Panic is bad for you, forcing yourself to stay up to date on the stats and the latest news can plumet your mental health. So can trying to hard to be productive in a time when stress has infiltrated everyone’s lives.

There is a middle ground, one that allows you to feel all the pain and the stress, but also one that doesn’t fixate on it and tries to keep themselves busy with projects that make them happy. You don’t have to be writing the next best seller, being productive can simply mean moving forward and finding small bits of joy to savior.

There is no right way to feel what we’re going through, so don’t let others try to tell you how to handle it all, just take some time to focus on what will make you happy and what will keep you afloat. A lot will have changed when this is all said and done, make sure you’re in the best place possible when you reemerge.

Here are 21 Thoughts I’ve Had While Quarantined For 21 Days:

  1. I’ll only buy a reasonable amount of groceries. Four bottles of wine is reasonable, right? Let’s make it 5.
  2. Did that woman just sneeze?? On the exact apple I need?? Can she stop feeling up all the avocados??
  3. These damn spring breakers are going to kill us all. Where are their mothers? My mother would have never let me go on spring break during a global pandemic.
  4. Did I put on deodorant today? Did I wear these sweatpants yesterday? Maybe I should buy another sweatshirt to mix up attire.
  5. Elastic waists are all I know now. I cannot go back to denim.
  6. Does my throat always feel like this? I can’t tell if my lymph nodes are swollen. I should touch my neck more to know what they usually feel like. I just coughed. Am I going to die? MOM? I’m doomed.
  7. Tiger King on Netflix was a WILD ride. But now what am I going to binge??
  8. Chandler and I moved in together during a global pandemic – hopefully she still likes me. Also, we really need a coffee table.
  9. I think the couch has an indent from my butt.
  10. CHANDLER, WE HAVE ANOTHER PUZZLE. WE HAVE TO DO THIS PUZZLE RIGHT NOW.
  11. I’m going to make homemade donuts.
  12. I’m also going to learn how to make candles because I’m a CrAfTy PeRsOn now.
  13. I didn’t FaceTime (or Zoom) this many people when I lived in London for two years.
  14. I can’t believe I have to cancel my flight to Ireland. Guess I should look into a flight for October because I’ll be allowed out of my apartment by then. Right? RIGHT?
  15. I heard a loud thump above me – Erin must be doing another tictok dance.
  16. I CAN’T BELIEVE DUNKIN WON’T LET ME WALK THROUGH THE DRIVE THROUGH. THIS IS A PANDEMIC, I NEED A COFFEE.
  17. I wish I had a dog. Chandler, can we get a dog?? (no)
  18. If work lays people off, am I the first to go because I’m the most recent hire? Am I smart enough to figure out unemployment? I will literally lose my mind if I can’t work from when I’m required to stay at home.
  19. Oh look, another book I can read! Let’s add it to the four piles of books I’ve created on my windowsill.
  20. I really would like a coffee table. And a TV stand.
  21. 5 bottles was not enough.

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